Lifes a little funny....

Lately I have been having some lower back pain along with some pretty weird dreams and I decided it was my bed causing this distress. So today I pulled off my really really comfortable foam topper that was on top of my bed, and have been sleeping on the good ol' hard college mattress.

I love sleep. sleep and me we get along well. So naturally I thought a foam mattress would help me sleep EVEN better. I BEGGED my mother for that foam mattress for the longest time. And my mom does not buy things like that for just some random reason, it has to be for a special occasion and so Christmas, Graduation, and FINALLY my birthday and I got this beautiful, soft foam mattress and it was going to be perfect for me to take to college. Well who knew that this foam mattress which I thought was going to be sooooo good for me, ended up hurting me. Something I thought was going to help me and change me, ended up, actually making things worse.

I find it funny that things that I thought I needed sooo badly, I ended up not needing at all. They actually ended up hurting me more then providing that great Help that I thought it would provide. I have actually seen this happen to me a lot in life. Something I wanted SOO bad, and when I finally got it, it ended up being an awful thing for me. Totally right, ended up being totally wrong. Now I am not talking about something silly like bed foam mattresses, but I am talking about friends, boyfriends, family situations, or even some decisions in which you feel is such a big deal at the moment, but in all actuality, its not. To me I find it happening a lot with friends. Friends that I thought I needed and wanted and that I put on this grand pedestal ended up not really being true friends to me at all, they are the ones who probably hurt me the most.

I guess my whole point in this random mess of a blog post is that the Lord knows where you need to be and what is going to help you become who your eternally destined to be. He knows what you REALLY need and what you don't. He knows you. And he is willing to help you know yourself if you would have just let him. I guess for me I just wish I would have turned to the Lord first, instead of trying to figure it out on my own, or asking other advice. I wished I would have asked if it was something I needed to help me progress in this life and enable me to help do the lords work. The end all be all is before you go make any life decisions out there, make sure you consult the one guy who know you the best, your Heavenly Father.

Good Things to Come

After this realization I then found a lot of comfort in this video; touched me to my soul and I hope it does for you as well

Trials

So a couple of weeks ago I found myself pretty bummed. Bummed because life was not going how it was planned. I was failing in school, friends were not being actual good friends, and well the boy department is yet to go my way. I was homesick, and all I wanted was a hug from my mommy. ( trust me I am rarely like that) Well so I guess you could say that I was in a funk. a bad funk. one that was not going to leave for a long time. Life sucked, and I was just going to wallow in my own self pity for a while. That was until I read an email from my sister in law. Here is some background on my sister in laws new life and the trials she has to go through.

On January 11, 2010 a precious baby girl was born on this earth into a loving family, of parents and three siblings. Beautiful dark curly hair, piercing blue eyes, and a lovely smile to show all who came into contact with her. Sadly, that same day she was life flighted to St. Lukes hospital for testing. The doctors saw a breathing problem and wanted to get it checked out. Three days later, probably the longest three days of my life, after little baby Mallory had been poked, prodded, and sticked, they found out that she had "smooth brain syndrome" where the brain doesn't develop fully. She would never be able to walk, talk, or do anything function wise. Her feet would have to be in braces for the rest of her life, a feeding tube was inserted in her nose, and eventually put in her stomach. My brothers little family had received a huge blessing and huge trial all at the same time. This was such a heartbreaking time for my family. It was and still is a hard experience.

My sister in law, well I more just think of her as my sister because we are that close, she does not complain or want pity for this baby in her life. She works through it daily and their family takes it one day at a time.
I was on the Internet one day, during the week of having a pity party for myself and I came across this message she wrote to my other sister. She had strep, the whole family had strep, and well it was a hard time in her life. Here is just a bit of what she said.
"Ya, things are busy all the time, but as long as I am healthy it is doable. I know that we don't say a lot about Mal's Day to day but she doesn't have an easy life, not even a comfy life. And I can deal with my physical stress of 2 hours of sleep a night of getting sick a little more often then I used to, but its the emotional part that gets to me. I got strep this weekend, Matt was on call for 26 hours, and I had a fever of over 100.... so needless to say I was a little off my game. Mallory (and all my family for that matter) relyes on me a lot. When our routine is off, our life is off. It is really hard to see my little girl struggle so much to live. She sounds like she is drowning a lot of nights, especially when she is sick, and all I can do is hold and sing to her and suction the crap out to try to make it less work to breath. She is a sweetie, and I would love to be able to fix her breathing and swallowing. I can handle the "handicapped" part, but it just doenst make sense that a little person has to suffer so much just to do the "easy stuff". People ask me a lot why we never say anything or complain, but it is really hard and we dont say much. It is mostly because we feel blessed to have our life."

Reading this email put me in my place. How could I complain of my feeble and pathetic life when people so close to me are silently suffering, going through probably one of the hardest trials on the face of this planet. It made me realize that in all actuality life is not that bad. I have a family who loves me, friends who try to be there for me, a knowledge of the gospel that is so true and fulfilling. I have the Lord, Jesus Christ, who went to the ends of the earth for me. Who bled from every pore for ME to live on this life. I need to take advantage of the magnificent blessing and cherish every moment on this earth. I might let life get me down sometimes, but at least I have a working body and a wonderful life to live. Mallory is such a blessing in my life. She makes me appreciate the little things and love the wonderful things. Its amazing how one little girl can impact the world so much.

Weeds and Thunder Storms

Well I think before I tell you my spiritual experiences, I should first briefly state some more things about me. I am a Freshmen in college at Brigham Young University... Yes that is right people I am a Mormon. Well I was always told that the first year of college is always the hardest. Being on your own is awful and that everyone has problems. Me, being the "not as humble as I should be" person that I am thought that my first year of college would go off with out a hitch. I would have "some" problems, but those problems would not effect me as much as it did to others because I am a mature grown up adult who was raised right, with good standards, a smart family, and well I honestly thought I would be blooming in college.

In a sense I was right, I did bloom, but little did I know that with that blooming came some hardcore weeds and thunder storms that would cause hurt, pain, and a bit of depression. Most of these weeds and thunder storms were things that never in my mind I could of predicted. Never in my wildest dreams would I be faced with these trials and tribulations.

I think that is how life is most of the time, things happen that we would never expect or predict or fathom ever happening to us. In a manner of seconds, minutes, hours, or days our lives can change. and we can be faced with different "lightning" in the distance... but back to the point.

As I found myself facing these weeds and storms (of which you will find out more about later) I always seemed to ask the question why. Why was this happening to me, why was it ME going through this, What did I do to deserve this? Well I can now say that I have an answers to those questions of mine and it is this simple concept: We are given trials to grow. We are given tribulations to develop. We have to go through hard times to see good times. Sometimes the Lord is just reminding us and telling us to go unto him. Seek him and his guidance in your life.

And one more concept, some food for thought, Blessings do not always equal happiness or joy. Sometimes blessings are the medicine we need, and sometimes a blessing is a trial. A blessing is good for us, whether that good be though a ray of sunshine or down right hard weedy growing.

To Start Out

In my religion class here at Brigham Young University we were asked to complete a project. Now this project was open to all of us. This project in a nutshell is suppose to be something that develops your own testimony of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It is suppose to bring you closer to him and help you be a little better.

So I have this wide range of everything and anything that I want to do for my project. My wheels started turning and I love music and I love the lord, so my first thought was to make my own slideshow of depictions of the Savior and sing the music in the background. Now this idea was brilliant! yet it was not something that was going to stretch my testimony, it was not going to be something that helped me grow and develop and become a stronger witness of Christ.

Thus the conclusion of this epic yet pitfall of a story is that I decided to blog. I want to be able to write down my life, spiritual moments ( ones that are not too personal to share) and share the tender mercies that happen each and everyday of my life. Now I am warning you. If you are a person who is uncomfortable about spiritual things or feel weird about it, stop reading now. This blog is for me. Well its for me and you but it is for me to grow and for me to develop into my potential as a daughter of our Heavenly Father

This blog is also for you... well if you want it to be for you.

So there it is.